A New

here i am, wondering.

am i just not good enough? why is everyone upset with me? did i do something wrong or the problem is i don't do anything?

there are times i think i am selfish. and there are times i feel people are taking me for granted. and then there are also times that i just don't know what to do. he always tell me to just do it. should i?

i am reading this book that states i should not fear. for when one is fearful, the mind gets clouded. our creativity vanishes and we will hold back what was intended to be done or said. perhaps the book was right. i realized that when we are too cautious about something, we tend to screw up most of the time. i think i just did.

all i need was some encouragement, some support. someone to just hold my hand and not keep pint pointing my mistakes, keep telling me what i did wrong over and over again. makes me feel like i can never do anything right. the thing is, as i am on the road to recovery, trying to make a change, instead of having the support and encouragement, i got the opposite. and i have to constantly remind myself to just chill, be patient, don't sweat the small stuff but my heart is in a lot of pain. i am in a lot of pain.

i really don't know what to do, where to go from here. i just love him so much but apparently he just doesn't see it. i just wished he could see how i really feel...

If only...